SOS! HELP! MAYDAY!!

I am at my wit's end. This human bean I live with is untrainable. Talk about "old dogs and new tricks", well include old mommies in that too. Obviously, before I came along, she did as she pleased. She persists in closing the door in my face, if she is fast enough, when she goes in the bedroom. I need in that bedroom. It has a big bed to run under, shoes, and all sorts of things to meddle. Excuse me, bad choice of words. Lots of things for me to look into. I have to know everything that is going on under my roof. After all, I am responsible. Sometimes I hear dangerous noises outside and I bark and bark and bark, trying to scare whatever it is away. Most of the time my mommy pays no attention. I keep running to the door and usually she won't go look to see if there is danger.
I know there are programs for trainning puppies, but I haven't found a site for mommies.