A HOUND'S GOTTA DO

TODAY I ESCAPED FROM THE CAR FAST AS I COULD AND RAN TO THE TREES NEXT TO MY HOUSE. THERE WAS A SQUIRREL THERE. IT WAS BIG, BLACK, AND DANGEROUS. I CHASED IT AWAY ACROSS THE STREET AND THEN IT PLAYED "NO FAIR". IT WENT UP A TREE.
I CIRCLED THE TREE IN THE BEST HOUND FASHION I KNEW, BUT I DID NOT BARK.
MY MOMMY WAS PLENTY MAD AT ME FOR CROSSING THE STREET WITHOUT LOOKING BOTH WAYS. WHILE SHE LECTURED ME, I STUCK OUT MY TONGUE, ROLLED MY EYES, HAD AN OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE AND JUST WAITED FOR IT TO ALL BE OVER.

BRAVE ME

I WAS VERY BRAVE TONIGHT. MY MOMMY WAS GOING TO THE STORE VERY, VERY LATE AND AFTER DARK, TOO. SUDDENLY THERE WERE FLASHING LIGHTS RIGHT BEHIND US. MY MOMMY PULLED OVER TO THE RIGHT LANE TO LET THE POLICEMAN BY, BUT HE STAYED RIGHT BEHIND US. IT WAS VERY EXCITING. SHE HAD TO PULL OVER TO THE SHOULDER. SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAD DONE WRONG BECAUSE SHE DRIVES LIKE A GRANDMA.
WHEN THE POLICEMAN CAME TO THE WINDOW, I TRIED TO SCARE HIM OFF, BUT HE JUST LAUGHED AND CALLED ME A WEENIE.
MY MOMMY'S LIGHTS WERE OFF BY HER LICENSE PLATES AND HE COULDN'T READ HER TAG. IT'S A GOOD THING HE ONLY GAVE HER A WARNING. I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT I MIGHT HAVE DONE TO HIM IF HE GAVE MY MOMMY A TICKET.

SOUTHERN FRIED WEENIE

I'm a really southern weenie dog. My mommy makes turnip greens and cornbread. It is very, very good. She pours some of the juice (pot "likker") over crumbled cornbread and I would kill anyone that tries to take it away from me.
It tastes so good that I'll even eat the dog food she cleverly hides underneath it.